The Eastern Gray Squirrel:
Furry-Tailed Daredevil... or Devil With a Furry Tail?

Squirrels. You either love them or hate them. There's not much neutrality on the subject.

They seem to be the sworn enemy of gardeners, the scourge of birdfeeders, and (according to a recent USA Today article) the main reason so many pest control companies stay in business. Bird stores carry a "wanted" poster with a squirrel's picture. Many types of "squirrel-proof" feeders are sold, many of which do not work in the long run, or are actually dangerous to squirrels. Humane traps do a booming business. And hunted for years as food in some parts of the country, eating their brains has recently been linked to a few cases of a rare but deadly disease, Creutzfelt-Jakob disease (CJD) in western Kentucky.

On the opposite end of the spectrum from the pest viewpoint, are those who accept and even admire squirrels as back yard entertainers, athletes, and the species that still manages to be successful after development has destroyed most of the wildlife habitat. Internet sites devoted to gray squirrels abound, ranging from the "Squirrel Lover's Club" to rehab information (some good, some bad) to informative, scholarly sites such as the one owned by Dr. Peg Halloran of the University of Colorado. One called "Zen and the Art of Squirrel Watching" is dedicated to the proposition that "watching them can enlighten you and show you the way to inner peace." One web site advances a theory that there is a giant squirrel conspiracy to take over the world.

In DC, squirrels have become almost as numerous as bureaucrats, and government buildings now sport "no feeding" signs. One guy has become so aggressive about handouts that he will climb up your leg (wreaks havoc on nylons!) to get the food. Others will take a nut, then chase you down the street for more if they feel shorted. With all this familiarity with humans, accidental bites sometimes happen. An adult squirrel bite, while not particularly dangerous (rodents rarely carry rabies), is extremely painful and should be avoided at all costs! (If it does happen, a good clean-out and current tetanus shot is recommended.)

Being natural athletes, assisted by their multi-purpose tails acting as rudder and parachute, and with prodigious climbing ability, they have a habit of getting into places humans would prefer they did not-like bird feeders, attics, and chimneys. Rambunctious juveniles have a bad habit of climbing up 4 or 5 stories on the side of a building, then hanging on for dear life because they suddenly realize how high they are. A BBC video about gray squirrels (which were introduced to England from the U.S.) shows them conquering increasingly complex obstacle courses in order to get to a bird feeder; the same video shows the astonishing feat of a squirrel that has learned to climb up into a vending machine and steal Baby Ruth candy bars (presumably for the peanuts).

People who love squirrels do so in spite of their mischief-or perhaps because of it. They are not overly intimidated by humans and will share their territory with us, doing their remarkable feats of acrobatics during the day when they can be admired. They can be greedy, audacious, selfish, and self-centered-traits which we disparage in humans, but somehow find amusing in the more basic creature.

Add to their entertainment value the appealing appearance, and they can be real charmers. According to the HSUS book Wild Neighbors, "Because they have bushy tails and large eyes relative to the size of their heads, squirrels present an image, or gestalt, that some animal behaviorists liken to that presented by young animals, including humans. Put simply, they all look like babies, puppies, etc. The relative neonatal appearance of squirrels may unconsciously warm people to them."₁

The Battle for Territory-A War with No Winners

Although squirrels are willing-even forced-to share their territory with humans, the reverse isn't always true. Their success as a species has put them in a constant battle for food, water, and housing, and that battle sometimes encroaches on our domain. They eat at our feeders and nibble our vegetation, make holes in our lawns, nest in our attics (sometimes chewing on electrical wires), fall in our swimming pools while trying to get a drink, and get trapped in our chimneys. They have the audacity to build nests in trees that we want to cut down. The housing crisis even prompted one mother to have her babies between the cushions of a lawn chair!

Many of these squirrels, or their offspring, end up with rehabilitators. Frequently, well-meaning individuals report that they "humanely" trap and relocate squirrels to the park. Squirrels are very territorial and generally have a home range where they know the nesting spots and food sources-introducing them to a strange neighborhood usually ends up with a squirrel being driven out. Even if a mother and babies are trapped and relocated together, the babies frequently end up starving or being abandoned because the mother cannot find food. Relocating does the homeowner no good either-new squirrels come in to fill the vacancy, and it becomes a never-ending cycle. Usually it's illegal to "dump" animals on someone else's property (private or public) without permission.

When a hotline volunteer gets a call about squirrels in the attic, callers are encouraged to wait it out for 5-6 weeks if there are babies involved, since mother squirrels build more than one nest and will move the babies at about 6 weeks of age. If for some reason the caller can not or will not wait, we discuss humane methods to get the mother to remove her babies voluntarily (one is placing in the attic a loud battery-operated radio with rock or talk), or recommend a professional who uses those techniques. The worst scenarios occur when the homeowner has already trapped the mother and boarded up the exit, only to discover babies later.

Squirrels can be fun to watch, and provide a valuable service in the reforestation of lands cleared by development. (They tend to scatter the acorns they bury and forget where they put some of them.) But it's understandable that some of what they do may be unacceptable to homeowners, particularly since they can be destructive to wood fences, decks, and roofing. They do like to chew. Still, most humans tend to be more intelligent (although perhaps not more determined) than squirrels, and can find ways of drawing lines that are humane and subtle, rather than cruel and drastic. And then they can relax and enjoy their antics and enthusiasm for life. Hmmm... maybe we're really just jealous of how much fun they have.